Nov
16
2007
Fri
0

Warning Labels Required

This label should be required by law:

For those who can't read the above label:

WARNING: This is a work of fiction. Do NOT take it literally.

CONTENT ADVISORY: Contains verses descriptive or advocating suicide, incest, bestiality, sadomasochism, sexual activity in violent context, murder, morbid violence, use of drugs and alcohol, homosexuality, voyeurism, revenge, undermining of authority figures, lawlessness, and human rights violations and atrocities.

EXPOSURE WARNING: Exposure to contents for extended periods of time or during formative years in children may cause delusions, hallucinations, decreased cognitive and objective reasoning abilities, and, in extreme cases, pathological disorders, hatred, bigotry, and violence, including, but not limited to fanaticism, murder, and genocide.

Dear Lord, please save me from your followers...

Until next time...
Erik

Nov
14
2007
Wed
0

Mark your confessions

If you “do” social networking sites (mySpace, etc.), I’m sure you get bombarded with those “surveys” people post. Here’s some I pulled from my mySpace page before I erased them there. I’m not sure why I’ve taken the time to bring them over to my site, other than they do contain information about me that you could possibly find interesting… if you were a stalker?

I Talk A LOT when…
I’m drunk?
I am really ticklish…
To much so!
I’m afraid of the dark…
Nope—thanks to my trusty night-vision goggles.
I can’t sleep in a room if the door is open…
Kind of.
I can’t sleep in a room if the door is closed…
Kind of.
I am homosexual…
I sure as hell ain’t straight!
I’ve ran away from home…
Yup.
I listen to political music…
Not on purpose.
I collect comic books…
Not any more, but I still have the ones from when I did.
I shut others out when I’m sad…
Sometimes.
I’ve stayed out all night…
Many times.
I open up to others easily…
Just my legs!
I am keeping a secret from the world…
Aren’t we all?
I watch the news…
Nope!
I love Disney movies…
Some of them—Little Mermaid rocks!
I am a sucker for green eyes…
Sometimes.
I am a sucker for brown eyes…
Not really.
I am a sucker for blue eyes…
DEFINITELY!!! I LOVE blue eyes…
I don’t kill bugs…
Die!!!
I have “x”s in my screen name…
Nope.
I’ve slipped and fell in public…
Yup.
I’ve slipped out a “LOL” in a real conversation…
WTF? People do this?
I love Spam…
Hate both the meat-substitute and the email.
I bake well…
Nope, but I get baked well :)
I have worn pajamas to class…
Yup.
I want a better job…
I have one.
Talked on a phone for 6+ hours…
Hell no!
I love Dr. Phil…
Nope. But I do love Dr. Phil MyCrackIn!
I like multiple people…
Duh!
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS…
Nope.
I am self-conscious…
Most of the time—that’s why I get dressed to go to work!
I love to laugh…
I just do.
I have tried alcohol…
Duh! I work for Wal-Mart!!!
I drink alcohol on a regular basis…
Definitely! (see last answer!)
I have tried a cigarette…
Once. How do people do that? There’s other things you can put in your mouth to make yourself (and others) feel better!
I have smoked a pack in one day…
Nope.
I loved Lord of the Flies…
The book was pretty good. I remember reading it in my youth.
I have cough drops when I’m not sick…
Nope.
I can’t swallow pills…
Huh? Just not the jagged, little pills.
I have a lot of scars…
Both physical and mental! And I give them as well!
I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room…
Umm? I live in the freakin’ country!
I like chocolate…
Nope. Chocolate is a nasty, vile substance!
I bite my nails…
Yes, but not out of nervousness. It’s because I can never find the nail clippers! I bite my toenails too! (You know you're jealous!)
I am not comfortable with being me…
I am comfortable with being me! I just don’t think anyone else is comfortable being me.
I play computer games when I’m bored…
Nope. What kind of nerd do you take me for? I watch porn!
Gotten lost in the city…
Hell, I get lost in the parking lot at work!
Seen a shooting star…
Many. And moons too!
Gone out in public in my pajamas…
Kind of. Boxer parties rock!
Hugged a stranger…
Yup, and just more than hugged some as well!
Been in a fist fight…
Nope.
Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose…
Yup.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator…
I'd never do that ;)
Made out in an elevator…
Not that I recall, but I was drunk.
Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose…
Duh!
Been skydiving…
Nope!
Been bungee jumping…
Hell no!
Gotten stitches…
Many times.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour…
Ew! Milk is nasty!
Bitten someone…
Yes!!!
Been to Niagara Falls…
Nope.
Gotten the chicken pox…
Once. And then Chuck Norris came and killed the chickens and their damned pox!
Crashed into a car…
Many times.
Been to Germany…
Nope.
Ridden in a taxi…
Yup.
Shoplifted…
When I was a kid.
Been fired…
Not yet..
Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back…
Yes.
Had someone have feeling for you and you didn’t have them back…
Probably.
Stole something from your job…
No.
Gone on a blind date…
Yup.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach…
DEFINITELY!
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans…
Just Southern Decadence—the gay Mardi Gras!
Been to Europe…
Nope. Well, does EPCOT count?
Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee…
Yup! But I’m not telling.
Been married…
Nope.
Gotten divorced…
Nope.
Saw someone/something dying…
Sadly, yes.
Have a list of people you want to kill…
Sometimes.
Ridden in a car over 400 miles in one day…
Many, many times.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show…
Many times—"It’s just a jump to the left."
Eaten sushi…
Ew, fish!
Cried in public…
Yes.
Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed…
That’s pretty much what driving in Arkansas is like!
Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn’t have…
Definitely.
Thought of someone a lot lately…
Yes.
Hate the world…
Not the world—just some of it’s inhabitants.

Until next time...
Erik

Nov
14
2007
Wed
0

Another survey about me

If you “do” social networking sites (mySpace, etc.), I’m sure you get bombarded with those “surveys” people post. Here’s some I pulled from my mySpace page before I erased them there. I’m not sure why I’ve taken the time to bring them over to my site, other than they do contain information about me that you could possibly find interesting… if you were a stalker?

Can you cook?
Only hotdogs.
What was your dream growing up?
To be an astronaut, then a fireman. Now I just want to be with an astronaut and a fireman.
What talent do you wish you had?
I wish I had working gay-dar!
Favorite place?
South Park, Colorado.
Favorite vegetable?
Christopher Reeves. Just kidding! Or am I?
What was the last book you read?
Cartoon History of the Universe, Volume III, by Larry Gonick.
What zodiac sign are you?
Gemini. Where’s my twin for random twin sex?
Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
Tattoos. What’s a tattoo? No piercing at the moment.
Worst Habit?
Driving down the road and picking my nose and wiping the boogers on my pants leg? Sounds gross. Who does that?
If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
Yes. I'd want to ride you.
What is your favorite sport?
Endurance Sex.
Negative or Optimistic attitude?
Both.
What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Endurance Sex!
Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Endurance Sex with no lube! heh heh.
Tell me one weird fact about you:
I’m human. Pretty weird, huh?
Do you have any pets?
My partner counts, right? Yes.
Do you know how to do the macarana?
If I watched the video I could do it.
Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
F'IN SCARY!!!!!!!
If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
Probably move my tattoos from the right side of my body to the left. Or have baby blue eyes again.
Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
Both :)
What color eyes do you have?
At the moment, hazel. Sometimes blue…
Ever been arrested?
Nope.
Bottle or Draft?
Around here, the bottle.
If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
After half was taken in taxes, I'd probably pay off the credit cards I still have and get rid of them.
What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
Not a big gum chewer. But I like that Wrigley’s Juicy Fruit stuff for the flavor.
What’s your favorite bar to hang at?
You've not been to Arkansas, have you…
Do you believe in ghosts or angels?
I think there are things out there we can’t see yet, and don’t understand, so I guess that would be a yes.
Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Critique porn.
Do you swear a lot?
Usually on the inside. I internalize my swearing.
Biggest pet peeve?
Running out of lube and having dry mouth at the same time.
In one word, how would you describe yourself?
"Erik"

Until next time...
Erik