I have to tell this story, even though it is one of disgust.

Yesterday at the corporate workplace that I grace my presence with during the daytime hours, I went to use the restroom as nature was calling. Apparently, nature was screaming at someone else. I walked into the men’s room and went to the first open stall. What I saw was so disgusting it became instantly hilarious to me. (And I’m still not sure what that says about me…)

Feces was sprayed everywhere. And I don’t just mean little spatter either from an accidental colon blow-out. These were significantly portioned sprays of liquid poo! And I quite literally mean everywhere: the back wall of the stall was covered, as were the sidewalls, and portions of the floor… all the way into the next stall.

Upon seeing this, I at first gasped. Then I broke into a small chuckle as my mind attempted to protect me from the horrors of what I had just seen. I quickly took the next open stall (as I couldn’t wait any longer) and did my business. I could hear others enter the restroom and essentially repeat the exact same process I had just gone through. (It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who is not messed up!)

WTF? Or more like, “HTF?” [How The F*ck?] How in the hell is this possible? The only thing I can come up with is this person is somehow the human poo sprinkler. The poo was at least eye-level high! They would have had to have bent over, pulled their cheeks apart, and just started spraying. If someone actually had that much pressure in their bowels to have launched that terrible torrent of poo that high from a seated position–well, I just shudder to think of the mess that probably covered that person’s back when they were done.