The Husbear and I returned home Sunday evening after being in Dallas since Thursday for TBRU (Texas Bear Round-Up). We were supposed to stay in Dallas until Monday but the husbear has been feeling under the weather since before we left, so we drove home Sunday.
The Husbear passed out on the drive home.
We attend events like this because: a) we live in the middle of nowhere; b) all the people we know live in the middle of somewhere; c) all the above. If you chose “c”, you chose wisely.
It was great to spend time with friends who live far away that were also in attendance. Overall we had a good time. The husbear always does. He is a social butterfly that loves to wander the crowd; be overly-friendly to complete strangers; and, Big Bertha only knows what (or who) else.
I am the opposite of the husbear. I’m really not one for events like this. I have a vague sense of “not fitting in” : I am not a gregarious person; I have a hard time striking up random conversations; I don’t flirt well (most of the time I don’t even know someone is flirting with me!); and, apparently I have issues with letting others in my “personal space.” All of the things that are par for the course at events of this nature. Yes—I fill the “nerd” stereotype—I’m more comfortable behind a keyboard than in a social situation.
How does one change these aspects about themselves? Do I even worry about it and just accept this is how I am? I feel like I’m a stick in the mud (no pun intended!) when I go to these things. I observe people and their interactions, but I just can’t seem to produce the same in myself.
Damned personal growth.
Suggestions?
Until next time...
How does one change these aspects about themselves? Do I even worry about it and just accept this is how I am?
I learned long ago, will they remember? I use to feel the same way and then realized, will they HONESTLY remember? I say go out and have fun. Be you — many will love you and those who don’t, fuck ’em! They won’t remember anyways..
I agree with Sorted, in theory (don’t tell him I said so…)
Unfortunately, I’m much more like the “you” that you describe. I don’t like crowds, especially of a bunch of people I don’t know. TheHusband is the one that will talk to people he doesn’t know, flirt, and all around make a fool of himself. I just can’t do it.
That’s usually the time I remember that I don’t like people, so I figure it is better that way.
Unfortunately, I can offer no advice, because we seem to be cut from the same cloth.
Although, many…MANY…years ago, when I was still frequenting bars and other nefarious HO-MO-seksual hangouts that a surefire way to get laid–or at least meet people–was to make the first move. Yeah, sure, there were many times I got rejected, but by and large I never had a real problem, um…”meeting” people. The secret lies in the fact that everyone ELSE is waiting around for someone to make that first move, so chances are good that if you summon the courage to go up to a perfect stranger and strike up a conversation, good things will happen.
Sorted:
But everyone should remember me!… he he.
I need to learn to be able to walk up to random strangers, lower my shields and then engage them in conversation. It’d be easier if everyone had a computer with them though…
Mike:
I am always in awe of people (like both our other halves) who can just walk up to a complete stranger and be, well, them! I don’t know if it’s learned or genetic.
I’m going to be one of those people we see sitting on the benches at the mall watching people when I get archaic, I just know it.
I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to meet this past weekend. We were out and about to a lot of the events. Maybe one of these times. 🙂
to what Mike said above on the learned vs genetic question i think it’s a bit of both. my friends often accuse me of being overly social when we’re on vacation (they also say i am not discerning enough but at least i meet people) and i’m going to tell you it’s not always easy to do the walk up and talk to someone thing. first of all it takes a bit of guts (more so if you are trying to pick up rather than just chat) but at the same time i always think “what am i so afraid of and what is the worst that could happen”. worst case is they’re a douche and you excuse yourself (which says bad things about them) or they turn out to be in the same boat and are glad someone came up to talk to them. that being said i am sometimes a wall flower and prefer to just watch. mingling is a skill and like any other skill it takes work and practice. and erik, you are an interesting guy (if you weren’t i wouldn’t keep stalking your blog) who at a minimum can always comment on someone’s ink to spark the conversation.
plus what do you have to lose? odds are you’ll probably never see the douches again. best case you’ll make a new friend.