October 21, 2006

I don’t trust you now.
I had my doubts/concerns/suspicions for the last month.
Today you turned the suspicion into confirmation.
Maybe it’s my fault for not saying something.
Maybe it’s my fault for not asking sooner.
I’m not sure what hurts me more:
Knowing you thought you could work it out without telling me;
Or, you going to make sure it was no longer a fit.
What if you couldn’t? What if it still was?
I’m not sure where to go from here.
I no longer know where the road leads.
All I know is that I’m hurting on the inside.
And yet all I want to do is curl up next to you and hold you.
But at the same time I don’t want you to touch me.
I tried to give you everything you wanted.
Maybe that became the problem.
I want so bad to yell and scream, but I don’t.
Maybe I should, but I know I won’t. I can’t.
You were the one who was originally walled in.
But with time and trust that wall came down.
Know this—now it’s me building a wall.

Until next time...
Erik

September 13, 2006

I’ve been home ill since Monday afternoon. Today is the first day I’ve been able to function somewhat normally. I’ve got an ear infection that won’t let up (had it before we went to NOLA, and the medication just didn’t get rid of it) and have just wanted to drive an ice pick into the side of my head to make the pain stop. Hopefully this round of medication will do the trick. Then I’ve got to go to a specialist to find out why I keep having the reoccurring earaches.

Until next time...
Erik