Repetition, The only thing I can do.

I have this repeating “habit” of making myself available for some people… but only when it’s “convenient” for them and rarely—if ever—is it a mutual offering.

I am consciously aware that I do this; yet I can’t seem to be able to stop it.

I had this problem with one individual during and after college, and I only managed to get “over” it with the help of others. And that took almost a decade!

Now it is happening again. And I know it. And several others have even pointed this out to me, yet I still continue to do it and let it happen.

Why do I do this—even though it torments me to the point I want to tear my own heart out? How do I break this cycle? And more, how do I stop it from happening again in the future?

There are times I want to just close down and not let anyone in or do anything with anyone else. It often seems the only way to me that I can stop this. I know that is not the answer. At least not a healthy one. Yet I am still torn.

Until next time...

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