I had a new client at the tattoo studio on Wednesday for an appointment. As I was checking his paperwork before we started his tattoo, the medical section had something written in that made me pause.
I had to ask for clarification. So he elaborated.
My new client has a tumor in his brain. Actually, two tumors. Inoperable. And incurable.
He is in his mid-thirties. The doctors tell him he has anywhere between 6 months to two years to live, depending on what path he chooses to take.
The only thing that I could manage to get out of my lips was: “Dude, that seriously sucks.”
Yeah. That’s me. The guy who knows exactly the right thing to say at the right time. Not so much.
He said he agreed.
I spent a good four hours tattooing him on Wednesday. We had a lot of time to talk. And I tattooed on him today for another three hours. We didn’t get to talk a lot today, as he had a migraine. But he’s wanting this tattoo. And I’ll be spending many more hours and days with him, as he’s getting a large tattoo.
Which has made me think: if you knew you only had so many days, how would you spend them?
Granted, we all only have so many days. But some people have a better idea of when their days are up. And is that necessarily a bad thing?
One would probably be a lot more focused on quality time with certain people, I would imagine. And probably getting things ready.
Or maybe one would live in quiet desperation? Sulking at what life has handed you.
What about just being hellbent on doing all those things that are socially unacceptable, and going out in a “blaze of glory”?
What would you do differently if you knew your expiration date? Would you do anything different at all?
Until next time...
I don’t know what I’d do or how. I’ve been down the cancer route and trust me, all you think about is your surgeries and treatments. It’s hard to think of much outside that realm. But good for him for doing what he wants.
As for your comment – there is nothing wrong with it. It showed empathy and even a little humour. I’m guessing he appreciated both.
You’re tattooing Valerie Harper? Too soon?
What you said was just fine. He probably appreciated that you had a good mix of sympathy and understanding but little pity. Hey he was getting a tattoo so he’s dealing.
I think the answer to your question for most people can be found in their past – do they have a fight or flight approach to life?
After losing a friend or two in the past couple of years, I began to think like this every day. I’m now doing what I have always wanted to do: more shamanic practice, world travel (Peru in two weeks to work with a shaman in the mountains, then Costa Rica in Feb to work with him again), and generally having beautiful fun every day.
This really hit home when a friend of mine, a beautiful, strong guy who had everything going for him (beautiful, built, rich, ate all the right foods, *everything* in moderation!, loved people and life 🙂 was diagnosed with a very rare sarcoma. They gave him 3 months. He accelerated his painting life (he was an optometrist), and got very, very good at the end. Never lost his verve; lived just like he wanted to live.
I asked myself the question, “why am I not doing that right now?”
I don’t want to ever, ever say, “If only I had …”
and … he ended up living an additional 2 1/2 years, going to the gym five days a week (like always), having parties, riding his bike everywhere, even with a PIC line installed. Didn’t slow him down one bit. If anything, it sped him up 🙂
I’ve tried several times to respond to this. But I find it difficult. Incurable diseases that are also fatal never leave you. We can discuss this when you ink me again.
In the face of tragedy, words fail. Brevity becomes a good thing.
What you said was perfect. It was true. It was sympathetic. And then you listened to what he had to say.
I try to live my life as if this were true, and in its way it is – eventually.
I suppose I would quit my job to get things in order, and make one last trip somewhere.
It is stories like this though the remind me to not diddle-dally and live life to its fullest.
Why are any of us putting off, what we would prefer to do? If we put it off long enough, we will never do it. Pick one thing you have always wanted to do, and do it this week. Maybe it it pleasure, going someplace, doing some thing, saying something – take something off of your “someday” list, and put it on the “today” list. David
I think your response was exactly perfect. What I would want to hear if I were in that place again.
None of us have an expiration date printed, yet we all know that we will die at some point. Any dates given by a doctor are a guess at best. I am proof that they really don’t have a clue. I am way past dates I was given with no end immediately in sight. We all have a past and hope for a future. But all we know for a fact is today. Live it like it is your last is the best advice I have ever received or given. Easy to say, hard to do.
I think I would continue to live my life as I do now. I like my life very much and I think people who are happy in their lives live longest. But either way, I doubt there’s too much to be gained buy suddenly rushing around to see everything or experience everything — except perhaps exhaustion.
I agree absolutely that you said the right thing. I have read many accounts of people who have a limited time left saying that they don’t want others pouring out sympathy or going on and on about how terrible/unfair/depressing/etc. it must be. You nailed it and he agreed, now let’s talk about something else and get inked!