I’ve never had a desire to have a child of my own. Zip. Zero. Nada. And as I’ve never had sex with a woman, it’s never something I considered that would be a possibility.
But….
I’ve been asked by a close friend and THE best friend of the Husbear’s for something: my sperm.
For with which to make a child.
I’m honored to be asked.
This is the Husbear’s BEST friend. They’ve known each other for well over twenty years. We see her and her to-be-wife all the time.
I know I’d be nothing more than just a not-so-anonymous donor. Which I think might be my issue. Will I be able to mentally disassociate the fact that their baby has half my genetic coding?
And as I have no idea of what my genetic background is, what might I be passing on to this child? Should I even care?
And then there’s the legal issues to consider: what happens to the child if something fatal happens to both of them, what about potential child support issues, etc.
Or am I just over-thinking a simple request?
Oy. Decisions, decisions.
Until next time...
Wow… That’s quite a decision… I don’t think it’s that simple and it’s good you’re thinking about it. It’s a great honor though and you’ll be the favorite cool uncle with all the tattoos…
It sounds like quite an adventure?
Haven’t I heard of courts suddenly saddling “anonymous” sperm donors with 18 years of child support? Or is that just an urban legend?
But on the other hand, you are a hottie and it would be a shame not to pass on the hotness to the next generation 🙂
There are no genetic guarantees– life is just… Life. It goes on or it doesn’t.
As long as there aren’t any legal ramifications, I say why not?
The whole sperm doner being saddled with 18 years child support IS an urban legend. When you donate at a sperm bank you sign documentation giving up your parental rights and responsibilities.
I too was asked to be a donor for a lesbian friend and her wife. I’ve always wanted a child and I knew I wouldn’t be able to take a backseat in my child’s life. I was willing to co-parent with them, even giving them primary custody but that is not what they wanted. They wanted me to give up my parental rights so the non bio-mom could adopt my child. In Connecticut, where we are from, same sex spouses can adopt biological children of their spouse, provided there are no legal claims by the other biological parent.
If I where you, I would first find out from them what role they expect you to have, what role you want and probably most importantly what the child’s birth state says your rights and responsibilities are. Though this stuff is relatively new I’m sure there is some gay parents sites that can guide you. Legal advice may be a smart move.
To be honest there are times I regret not fathering their child, but I know myself too well and being a sperm donor, anonymous or not, is not something that would work for me. Find out what works for you, it could be amazing.
I had a similar situation occur and I asked the lesbian couple to get a legal document for me to sign regarding rights and responsibility before I would move forward. They broke up after 8 years together before it happened.
A lot of good advice already. I would love to have someone ask me, but I know that I would want to be involved.
I think that you would get a kick out seeing a “little you”.
And I completely agree with: “But on the other hand, you are a hottie and it would be a shame not to pass on the hotness to the next generation”
This is very interesting….keep us posted.
Husbear’s best friend doesn’t want HIS sperm?
I too recommend you get legal counsel on this; particularly to clarify what you will/will not being doing for this offspring. I know too many cases of parents (of both sides) changing their minds as to how much the other should/will be involved.