Tag Archives: Adoption

On my being adopted.

Keep Calm and Carry On

Ponderings

Not even sure where to begin with this post. And truthfully, I don’t even know if it is something I should post. Well, at least not yet. With the exception of one person, it’s not something I’ve told my surnamed family about. I’m not really sure why I haven’t, aside that I feel that I think it might hurt my parents.

Twelve years ago, way back in October 2008, I wrote about being adopted. Go ahead and read it. I’ll wait….

Done reading it? Good. On with this story.

Back in January 2018, I sent in a DNA sample to 23andMe. The Husbear bought me one of those kits as a Christmas present. He knew the adoption question was something that was weighing on my mind again. I was going to be 45, and I had started having some medical issues present themselves that weren’t typical “wear and tear”. I was hoping to find a connection from the results, but alas, no such luck. The closest relations were all 3rd to 4th cousins, which is pretty much the equivalent of my relationship with you.

So in May 2018, I sent in a second DNA test through AncestryDNA. I figured the shotgun approach might work since most people only do one service or the other. And again, the closest relations were 3rd cousins or more out. I’m pretty sure I’m closer to bacon than I am them.

I was disheartened, but I figured that was probably how it was going to be. My brain assumed that anyone who gave up an infant through a service that sealed the adoption more than likely wouldn’t be out there providing their DNA to be matched.

I’d check back in periodically to see if any closer relationships surfaced, usually after the holidays when those kits seem to go on sale and people give them as gifts. But still no luck.

Until March 23rd of this year.

I received a message notification through one of the two services (AncestryDNA to be specific) from someone who showed up as “Close or 1st Cousins”. He shared a story that his mother had recently shared about giving up a son for adoption when she was a teenager. After multiple back and forth questions and answers relayed through him with his mother, we validated that his mother was in fact my bio-mother. (I know one or two of you read that in the Maury voice, didn’t you?)

My email address was passed on to my bio-mom, and we began to communicate. More of the same questions essentially, and some basic history about each of us. I’m not sure that either of us really knew how to begin or what to say. I was happy she was willing to communicate. Having read/heard many adoption stories, it was something for which I was prepared to not happen.

We have been in relatively (no pun intended) constant communication since that time, learning about each other, and me about my maternal side of the family. Medical history has been a little, well, lacking. Lacking may not be the right word. There’s not been any real medical issues that run in that side of the family that have been communicated so far. So there’s that at least.

One of the other surprises was discovering I have 5 half-siblings on my maternal side, 3 sisters and 2 brothers. I’m in fairly constant contact with two of the sisters and one of the brothers. The two sisters each reached out to me after the initial contact with my bio-mom. They had been made aware previously about the adoption. We seemed to click rather quickly (in my view at least). There’s definitely a separated-at-birth vibe going on between us. A plethora of interests, talents, quirks, and the like. As for the other sister and brother, contact hasn’t been made at this point.

As for my mental state about this entire chapter, I’ve actually been… well collected. Much to the surprise of people around me. I think even the Husbear is surprised. Don’t get me wrong, I was anxious and am excited. But I don’t know if it’s all because it’s something I have mentally been processing most of my life, going through so many variables that nothing really would have surprised me? Or if the medication I’m currently on for other issues has helped me maintain an even keel (* I’ll be posting about that at some further date. That’s what we do now when we’re less young, right?).

I just know I’m happy this chapter opened and has proceeded the way it has thus far. And for the dumpster fire that 2020 has been, this–for me–more than makes up for it.

Until next time...
Erik

The Proper Pronounciation of a Certain Surname…

Ponderings, ,

Say that title fast five times!

A recent conversation on Twitter with several of my tweeps made me realize that most people out here on the Interwebs think my surname of “Rubright” is a fake or porn surname, and, most people definitely mispronounce it.

As much as I would *like* it to be my porn name, it is my real, legal surname. I should say it’s been my surname following my adoption when I was several months old. See:


The State-mandated Drivers License

I’ve heard all sorts of variations of pronouncing it, but it is properly pronounced “roo-brahyt”. “Roo” as in kanga, and “brahyt” as in, well, bright. I’ve also heard several off-collar ones as well, like “Rub-me-right” and “Rub-right” and “Rub-me-wrong”. You get the idea. The fun of growing up with a surname like that has always been… interesting.


My old name plaque from the OGRE. I kept it.

Rubright is one of several Americanized spellings for the original German of “Rubrecht” or “Ruprecht”. I’ve also seen it spelled as “Rhubright” and “RuBright”.

My father’s mother was big into genealogy. I went on several research trips with her to libraries scouring microfiche when I was younger. I don’t know how far back she got with her research, or what even happened to all that information after she died. I’m assuming one of her children ended up with it. But I could be wrong.

Not that I particularly care, as horrible as that sounds. It’s just a name. I am way more curious about my medical background than I am my surname’s history, of which I know absolutely nothing of.

There you have it, and now you know.

But I still pretty much answer to anything though.

Until next time...
Erik

On Being Adopted

Ponderings,

This has come up several times in the last few days for me, so I take that as a sign to write about it.

I was adopted as an infant.

My parents thought they could not have children and after several years of trying with nothing to show for it, they opted to adopt.

All I know of my life before adoption is this:
– I was called “Baby Ambrose” by the sisters and nurses where I was kept;
– My first birth certificate lists no mother and no father;
– I was adopted through a Catholic Social Services center;
– The adoption records are sealed.

I was not told about my adoption by my parents. I found out about it on accident. As a preteen I was looking for my Social Security card and in the lock box with it was a copy of the adoption record. Let’s just say that discussion went “well” with my parents (the start of many…). I’m sure they had their reasons for not telling me, and at this point I don’t remember what they were or if they were even discussed. I haven’t asked again about it since then.

I once started down the road to find my biologicals. After discovering where the records where stored, I found out that both biologicals have to agree to have the record unsealed before I can be told anything. I would have to pay a large sum of money to start this process, with no guarantee or refund if neither biological wanted to remain anonymous. They also required a few months of counseling sessions before being told as well.

At that point I changed my mind. I’ve thought about it a few times—okay, more than a few—but just haven’t gone down that road again.

Sure I would like to know the answer to “Why?”, but is it really any of my business?

At this point in my life I am more interested in my medical history. What can I expect as far as genetic diseases and hereditary conditions? Hell, even how well do they age? Am I going to hit 40 my body just go “blah”? Is there a history of any kind of cancer I should be screening for now? All seemingly random questions that I think a lot of people take for granted.

And I’m curious about siblings—do I have a continuing blood-line out there or am I the last stop in my genetic lineage? Or a twin? There’s some speculation to that as well.

There are a few people who speculate that one of my biologicals is known to me already. Maybe time will tell.

Until next time...
Erik