Anyone want to 4 Play?

Because I have absolutely nothing that I can think of that is worth writing about as of late, I stole this from Sean at Idle Eyes and a Dormy. It was his birfday yesterday (17 May), by the way. Go wish him a happy birfday plus 1 day!

I think there’s way too much insight about me revealed in this. And it took a whole lot of thought. Something that’s rare with me.

4 Things I need to spend more time on in my life:
1. My relationship with my Husbear;
2. My friendships, the few of which I have;
3. My craft—more time drawing and learning new techniques;
4. Building my self-confidence.

4 Things I need to spend less time on in my life:
1. Self-doubt;
2. Self-loathing;
3. Staring at a computer screen;
4. Worrying.

4 Things I wish I could spend more time on in my life:
1. Relaxing, mentally;
2. Creating;
3. Laughing;
4. Just living.

4 Things I love about myself:
(How messed up is it that I can’t think of one thing?)

4 Things I hate about myself:
1. My lack of a sex drive;
2. My inability to accept, believe and own a compliment from another;
3. My voice;
4. The way my john thomas curves.

4 Things I love that I used to hate:
1. Chuck Ts;
2. Beer;
3. Landscaping;
4. Guys with tattoos….

4 Things I hate that I used to love:
1. Organized religion;
2. Heavy/thrash metal music;
3. Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.;
4. A few specific people.

4 Things I look forward to:
1. Road trips;
2. Finishing my right sleeve and left leg;
3. The next Doctor Who episode;
4. Spending my remaining years with the Husbear.

4 Things I dread:
1. Public speaking;
2. Being in a crowd;
3. Being naked;
4. Knowing one day I will see the lifeless body of my Husbear.

4 Things I once believed in but no longer do:
1. An omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient being, call it what you will;
2. People/Humanity, in general;
3. My parents were infallible;
4. Politicians are altruistic.

4 Things I believe in that I didn’t use to:
1. Corporal punishment;
2. “An eye for an eye”;
3. Karma;
4. “A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.”

4 Things I love to do but I’m bad at:
1. Be sociable;
2. Let my inner-child come out;
3. To be whimsical;
4. Let the music take control.

4 Things I hate to do but I’m good at:
1. Accounting;
2. Waste time in front of a computer;
3. Act “grown-up”;
4. Being a dick.

4 Things I did that I am ashamed of:
1. Vandalized a building when I was a teenager…
2. … and let others take the fall for it;
3. Freaked out and made a scene when someone came out to me, back in college when I was still trying to figure out what I was myself;
4. That one specific tattoo I did back in the early days.

4 Things I did that I’m proud of:
1. Started—and still run—two successful businesses;
2. Became an Eagle Scout;
3. Became entirely self-employed;
4. Remodeling this old house in which we live.

4 Things I didn’t do that I regret:
1. Take piano lessons seriously as a child;
2. Make more of an effort to maintain a friendship;
3. Take pictures during that one Thanksgiving dinner that ended up being the last holiday when the Husbear’s dad was alive;
4. Say “Thank you”.

4 Things I want before I die:
1. To travel somewhere outside the continental U.S.;
2. To learn to play the banjo;
3. To be comfortable enough in my skin that I can take take a naked picture of myself and feel good about it;
4. And maybe be in a porn. 😉

Until next time...

16 thoughts on “Anyone want to 4 Play?

  1. Nice one… thanks for sharing…
    You should work on the ‘4 Things I hate about myself’ and the ‘4 Things I hate about myself’…
    Also, bear in mind what Cb says and advises. He can help!!!

  2. My JT curves too. I hate it. Everyone who has ever seen it claims it’s sexy and they like it. Unlike you, I love to be naked in public and I’m really slutty so this has been verified by many, many people – mostly gay men. I’ve never met you in person but I think you are freaking adorable. Believe it.

  3. Do you not like your tattoo artistry? You feel confident enough to run a business and tattoo people.

    Do you not like that you blog and share your thoughts and feelings and life? That is a step in being more social.

    Do you not like that you are humble and not arrogant, even though you’re attractive (despite not seeing it) successful (TWO businesses) and have a blog following?

    Just some suggestions. It is hard for people like us to “like things” about ourselves when we have low self esteem, even if there are things we do like about ourselves. I hope you will spend some time thinking about it and, even if the things seem small and insignificant, do another post to fill in the blanks.


    (and thanks for the birthday nod)

    1. I do like those things, but they are not “things I love about myself”. Which is where I have a difficult time. I know there should be things I love about myself. I just can’t think of anything. Maybe I’m just over-thinking it. But it’s definitely easier to come up with things I don’t love than things I love.

      And it sounds like you had a great birthday!

  4. 4 Things I love about Erik:

    1. His laugh
    2. His loyalty to those lucky enough to be called “friend”
    3. How hard he works on anything he sets out to do – work (even at evil, corporate empires,) home improvements, honing his skills in art – and keeps working until the end goal is achieved
    4. How open he is about who he is, what his flaws are, who/what he loves and when he’s wrong. Most people can’t admit those things to themselves much less to an audience of loyal blog readers. 🙂

    There are many more reasons I could list as to why I, and many others, love you for who you are. I hope one day you can see the wonderful qualities you possess and why they make you worthy of love from those around you and yourself.

    Love you Erik with a K 😉

    1. Ahh… the laugh. I can be picked out of a crowd anywhere with that laugh. Sometimes that’s a bad thing. 😉

      As for everything else, I think that’s part of my base programming. It’s what I expect of myself and of those around me. Which is maybe why I don’t necessarily see them as something I “love” in myself. Because it’s always there.

      And I love you too bitchinmommy!

  5. I believe that not being able to accept a compliment and the self-doubt as well as fearing being naked and even perhaps the low sex drive would begin to turn around if the self-loathing were addressed and eliminated. From the comments here and on other posts, it is obvious to me that you are liked and admired by many, but I know from personal experience that one can be loved and admired but not love one’s self. Sean is very wise.

    I am a man who would really love that curve.

  6. I really liked your responses.

    “Freaked out and made a scene when someone came out to me, back in college…” You have got to read Kyle’s blog post today where he shared a very similar story! Weird coincidence. His blog is “Out Left” at Check it out.

  7. 4 things that Erik should love about himself:
    1. His devotion to his husbear
    2. His loyalty to his friends
    3. His being true to himself
    4. His amazing talent and accomplishments

    At least those are the things we all love about you… so you should too!

    1. Maybe I’m over-thinking the process of what love about myself means. But I feel those are things I’m “wired” to do, things I’ve always believed are the “right” thing to do. They’re not things I think about as to love myself for.

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