Meehoo With an Exactlywatt

As a child, I was the puny, little nerd who was used as the ball in dodge-ball. As an adult, I still mentally feel like that on the inside. I’m not a fighter. Physically, at least. I don’t think violence solves problems. I tend to run from those kind of situations.

That being said, some of you might have seen this Facebook status update on Saturday night:

And let’s just say it escalated in a negative fashion after that point. Both the vile, nasty vulgarity spilling out of his mouth, and the anger that was building up inside of me.

I don’t remember everything that happened, but I know I said something in the parking lot to him about his derogatory and offensive language. At which point something else derogatory was said by him directed specifically at me.

I then did something I don’t do and that I’m not proud of: I shoved him. What the Hell, Erik?

And then—understandably—he swung.

I was able to duck out of the way. Mostly.

I shoved back harder, because it’s what I do apparently. And while he was down I managed to get to my truck and leave. Yes, I ran. It’s what I do. I believe there’s only three ways to win a fight: the cops show up; someone dies; or, someone runs. So I ran.

Yes, alcohol was involved. But I’ve never been known to be a hostile drinker. If anything I usually get goofy. Well, goofier than I usually am.

The Husbear says he’s proud of me for standing up the way I did. But I’m not, and my actions have weighed heavily on me this week. Even though the dumb-ass guy instigated with words, I was the dumb-ass one who physically attacked first. I was raised to be better than that.

And that “mostly” I said above? This picture was taken today, six days after the incident:

I’m not proud of that picture. It was a result of the first physical fight I’ve been in as an adult, and for that I’m not proud.

More than anything, I’m embarrassed that I let a dumb-ass, homophobic idiot get under my skin.

Until next time...
Erik

21 thoughts on “Meehoo With an Exactlywatt

  1. I’m sure MAC has some foundation to cover that up in your palate, but wear it proudly.

    Remember, he got under your skin, bc clearly “faggots” get under his. Verbal hate can be just as painful as physical and I’m w your husband on this – you stood up to him. Most people do not – and this is why they think they can and do get away w spewing hate.

  2. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You and I are kindred sprits when it comes to violence, but every person has a line and limit…we can only take so much hate spewed and directed at us before we snap. You’re human, you’re adrenaline was pumping, and you were being attacked. You were brave to stand up to him. Few people would have. For what it’s worth: thank you. Now come here and I’ll kiss it and make it all better!

  3. I’m also proud of you. I’ve long held that if we “limp wristed faggots” started physically fighting back these neanderthal bullies would be less inclined to attack, especially if it’s widely understood we can beat the shit out of them.

  4. WOW! You got into a bar fight? (mostly near a bar…)
    I’m with you on the violence issue but I probably would have done the same.

  5. I’d say wear a lot of greens and yellows for the next several days until the bruise fully heals. You’ll match and it makes the beautiful colors in your eye pop.

    Seriously, I’m proud of you, too. You didn’t attack first, either. He did with his words. Your husbear is right, you stood up for yourself. You also stood up for your husbear and all of us that actually do get attacked first. You did the right thing by leaving, too. He was down and you left before things got worse and they very well could have gotten much worse. So good for you!

    Morgan Freeman just had a tweet yesterday about homophobia that has been playing over and over in my head. He twatted: “I hate the word homophobia. It’s not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole.”

    I found that funny and profound at the same time. Anyway, thanks for standing up and for leaving when you did!

  6. I’ve never been involved in a fight in my life. I don’t know how it would feel.
    Don’t be too harsh on your yourself and as the Husbear said be proud of yourself for standing up for your beliefs.
    The swelling on your face will go away…

  7. I have to say, I am quite proud of you for what you did. Violence isn’t a good answer, but sometimes it’s the only answer. Wear your added colors with pride.

  8. I go away for a week……
    Kudos ! I say to you!

    For too long gay people have not felt good enough and therefore succumbed to our inner Victim energy. By getting in touch with some Warrior (and feeling a right to do so) we grow in esteem and diminish injustice.

  9. Let me add my voice to your Peanut Gallery… Way to go Erik!

    Generally, we shrink into the corner, you stood up for every one of us… and you’ve just added another item to the list of things that makes you so very sexy. You are THE MAN!

  10. You stood up for what u believed. I hope that douchebag gets his ass handed to him by someone some day. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take this moment to reflect and figure out why it got under your skin so badly. Use this as an opportunity to learn about yourself.

  11. I haven’t been beaten or hit, but I have also publically rebuked people for using the word “faggot” in a restaurant while everyone else sat around and did nothing.

    Standing up for yourself and gay people is an honorable thing to do. Until the bullies are stood up to, nothing is going to change.

    1. I agree Homer! We must stand up. Ignoring the assault, whether verbal or physical will not stop it but only give more power to the oppressor.

  12. I am about the least violent person you would ever want to meet. I faint at the sight of blood. I feel guilty when I kill an insect. But I will not and have not permitted myself to be bullied by word or action ever in my life. I’ve only been involved in half a dozen physical fights in my life, the first one being when I was 12 years old. The fights were not planned but happened much like yours did, an inner force that I couldn’t control posses me to rise up and confront my tormentor and say “No more!” That is what happened at Stonewall in 1969 and thus tossing off the yoke of our oppression that was taken for granted for so many years by straight and gay alike. Sometimes you just have to punch back. Bravo for you and every gay man and woman who says”No more!” and backs their words up with a fist. Throw and extra punch in there for me.

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