How does a human learn to be comfortable with their sexuality?

I don’t mean “sexuality” in the sense of identifying as gay/straight/somewhere in between. Although potentially that might be part of it. Especially where some individuals have had a difficult time coming to terms with where they fall in that spectrum thanks to societal pressure.

The sexuality I am referring to is your sexual being. That energy within you that let’s you be a sexual person. Comfortable in sexual environments. Accepting of sexual actions and situations.

I assume for a lot of people it just comes naturally. I think some humans are inherently in touch with and at one with their sexual energy. (No pun intended in either sentence.)

But not everybody.

I am not a sexual person, but I want to be.

As odd as it sounds, I have a fear of sexual situations. I have sexual hang ups that logically make zero sense, at least when it comes to acting upon it.

I think a lot of that is due to the conflict between my childhood on what was brainwashed into me about what is “correct” versus what as an adult I have discovered to be “correct”. Some probably has to do with my poor self-image, i.e., how I see myself compared to what others see. All things I continue to work on, but after nearly 40 years of being on this planet don’t feel like I’m any closer to figuring out and wonder if I ever will.

So my question is, how did you become comfortable with your sexual being?

Where to start? Since I referenced the show “Breaking Bad” in the title, I’ll proceed in a fashion similar to it.

Start with the opening graphic teaser:

[Insert Erik’s Theme Music and Montage here]

And, back to the beginning of the story.

We are in the process of adding a new artist room at the tattoo studio. Each of the room is kind of a fishbowl, in the sense that there are a lot of large windows to see in and out of in each room. Because we like openness. And light.

I went to install the 1/4″ thick 4′ by 8′ sheet of glass in the new opening before the studio opened today.

Things went bad.

I dinged the corner of the glass pane on the tile floor as I was maneuvering it into place. And I heard that sound you hear in the movies of a glass window slowly cracking before you get blown out into space. Shit.

Instinctively I looked down and away at the right moment as the entire pane shattered. In my hands. Luckily it was tempered safety glass. If it hadn’t been, I probably wouldn’t be typing this story today.

I have all these medical supplies at the studio with which to clean and bandage my wounds. Which is good. But of course, I decided to stick a crap-load of small Band-Aids all over myself instead.

I wish I had some pink Hello Kitty! Band-Aids. I’ll have to remedy that.

Now I have a lot of tiny glass pieces to use in a project or two.

Luckily I have three more panes of glass in storage. Although I’m a little shy about installing it myself. Even though I’ve done it before several times. Successfully.

But I’ll probably attempt to install another pane tonight.

While someone is here with me.

Just in case.

My apologies for all the picture posts as of late. It’s just easier for me to take a picture to express a moment than it is for me to write it down.

Not much really going on. Haven’t really had much gumption as of late. Just day-to-day stuff:

Fixed the dishwasher that’s been broken for a few months. We gave up on it and were saving up to just replace it. But I took one last crack at it and took the thing apart, then reassembled it. I really don’t know what was wrong with it, but it worked again once I put it back together.

Still trying to finalize the travel details for our drive out to Las Vegas for our oldest daughter’s wedding. Considering we leave next Sunday, I should probably get cracking on that.

I started watching the show “Breaking Bad”. I am only on season 1 still, but I’ve loved the situational aspect of it, as well as the science.

I am behind on some blog reading. I’m working on catching up. But my brain doesn’t seem to want to stay focused.

Hopefully I’ll get some gumption soon.